I’ve been burying my head in the sand for the last week or so and have delayed this update as a result.

I’m back to work tomorrow!

It’s a KIT day; Keeping In Touch day. I am able to work up to 10 days whilst on my maternity leave and be paid for them without it bringing my leave to an end. It’s an absolute blessing and allows me to bring in a little bit of extra money on top of my maternity pay.

But that doesn’t make it any less intimidating.

Aside from when Harrison was poorly in NICU, I have only left him twice. TWICE! And, tomorrow, I will be leaving him for 4 hours.

I know, I know. 4 hours is nothing. He will be with his Dad. He will be absolutely fine, but it’s nerve wracking none the less.

Hats off to the huge number of women who go back to work sooner, by choice or not. You are pretty damned amazing and incredibly strong.

I’ll only be in the office for 4 hours, and it’s only for 1 day, but, WOW, this is hard.

I’ve loved my maternity leave, thus far. The ability to revolve everything around Harrison; it’s been a dream. This first 4 hours is a giant sledge hammer of a reminder that this is coming to an end. In 4 months (I know, I’m so lucky to still have another 4 months), I will be going back to work, full time, and leaving Harrison in order to do so. We are exceptionally lucky to be in a position where my husband is able to give up work to stay home with Harrison when I return, but I have to admit to some jealousy.

When I was a kid and imagined my future with however many children I decided I would be having that week (often dictated by how many favourite names I had at the time), I didn’t think about balancing it with work.

I had 2 severely disabled siblings and my parents were full time carers of them. They were always at home. I never went to a child minder, or after school clubs, I wasn’t dropped off at school on their way to the office, or picked up by a grandparent at the end of the day. I went to school with my mum and dad being at home and I came home to the same thing.

I am slightly unprepared for the reality that most see as normality.

My husband’s parents both worked outside of the home when he was a child. To him, the balance is totally normal and a part of childhood. I’m leaning on him to show me the way.

I love my job, I love the company I work for, and my boss is incredible, as are the rest of my team. It will be great to have my full salary again, come January (boy, will it), but I’m nervous as to what the reality will look like.

Time and practise will make it work, I know. My husband will get the amazing opportunity, that I’ve had for the last 8 months and will continue to have over the next 4, to centre his day around Harrison. To watch him discover the world, to explore it together. Harrison will get the chance to bond with his Dad in an incredible way. We will have evenings, weekends, and holidays together and will relish that time, but it’ll be a definite culture shock and an experience far removed from the current.

Yep, I’m definitely nervous of the unknown at the moment, but I’m ready for dip my toe in the water. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Wish me luck.

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