barbaras story

To continue our story series for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, Barbara has stopped by to tell us of her experience with multiple miscarriages and a beautiful rainbow baby.

We want to thank Barbara for having the courage to share her story so that others may find solace in the knowledge that they are not alone.

In late 2011 I went off of the depo shot so that my body could start to level out and we could start planning on ttc in about 6 months. At the beginning of 2012 I had one cycle. In February towards the end of the month I noticed that I was feeling a bit off, so I took a Clear Blue Pregnancy test and I got a faint but positive test. I was nervous but excited. I went out and got more test and the next morning I took another Clear blue test and It was a bit darker!! I was in fact pregnant!!! Later that day with my heart pounding in my chest I took the test and showed Quentin, he looked at them and at first didn’t say anything just looked at them. He asked me if he was looking at what he thought he was looking at and I said yes. He then hugged me and kissed me and we started talking about everything. He was very excited. My first appointment had already been set up for 2week. On February 29th 2012 I stated having some cramps, no bleeding just some intense cramps. I called my doctor and they stated it was fine, and that I could come in for labs so I went in and got my blood taken, results would be back the next day, they told me to call back if I had any bleeding. Within an hour I started spotting and then within 30 minutes of the spotting I started having what is like a light menstrual bleeding while the cramping keep getting stronger and stronger. We went ahead and headed to the ER, I called my doctor’s office back to let them know I was heading into the ER. They set me up an appointment for March 2nd. At the hospital they couldn’t give us any information really. Just that my levels were in the 900 range and the ultrasound showed an empty sac but this was normal for being this early. The bleeding could be normal or I could be having a miscarriage. They ruled it and an incomplete miscarriage. I was pretty devastated. I knew deep down what was happening but I just hoped that at my next appointment when they did the ultrasound and follow up it would show a little bean with a heartbeat! At my follow up appointment she did an ultrasound and my body had pretty much passed most of the tissue and embryo on it’s on. She told me that my labs had been 1200 when I got them done that morning at the office and that the hospitals had been in the 900 range so they had dropped a bit which indicated a miscarriage.. She went over my options and I chose to let my body continue taking care of the process on its own. It pretty much passed everything on its own already. Over the next 3 weeks I came in every 2 days for labs until my HCG levels were at 0 which was around the middle of March. She gave us the okay to start ttc right away. In April I got a positive pregnancy test without having a cycle which we thought was odd but we figured it could happen. I even got a positive on a digital. I called and got my labs drawn. She had me come in right away. She did an ultrasound and it showed I was having a continuation miscarriage from my first miscarriage. Which means my levels went to 0 and then my levels went back up because my body didn’t pass all of the tissue. She gave me the option of a D& C or to take some medication to help my uterus contract and basically make me bleed and pass the remaining tissue. I choose the medication as it’s less invasive. Within two months after this I was cleared to start TTC again. We started TTC again and continued for a full year, During this timeframe I had labs drawn because I wasn’t ovulating every cycle we were talking about doing a medicated cycle when I finally got pregnant. I found out the end of March 2013 that we were expecting again! This time I was monitored more closely, I had labs every 2 days. We went in for our first appointment at 6weeks and our LO measured 7weeks and 2days and had a strong heartbeat of 145. Everything was looking good, had no bleeding and all my levels looked good. At 12 weeks I switched doctors and made my appointment with my new doctor for our 13 week appointment. We went in on June 4th or 5th and when he went to do the abdominal scan and he couldn’t see anything we knew right away something was wrong… He switched and did the transvaginal and our LO had no heartbeat and only measured 9weeks and 1day. We had lost another sweet angel baby. This time with no symptoms or warnings to know that something was wrong. I was diagnosed with a Missed Miscarriage. On June 14th I had a D&C since my body hadn’t even tried to pass the baby on its own. We were completely devastated and this time it brought back a whole new flood of emotions. I shut everyone out. I started to grieve for both losses. I never truly grieved for our first angel baby; I shut my emotions out and just went on with life. I didn’t think I had a right to feel anything since it was so early. With this second loss everything came back from the first lost and the emotions with this loss too. It was horrible. I was depressed for months. We also found out through testing that our second angel baby was a girl and we named her BrookLyn Grace Nagg . Her due date was 12/2/2013. We Started TTC within 2 months after the D&C and it took us another full year to get pregnant. I found out again at the end of March 2014 that I was pregnant. I went to the same doctor that I had switched to with my last pregnancy. This time we had more answers, I had low progesterone and I didn’t ovulate every cycle which is why it took us longer to get pregnant as well. So Once I got my positive pregnancy test again for the 3rd time emotions ran high and I we were very nervous again. I went in and got labs and I was put on progesterone to help my body sustain this pregnancy. I had to take the medication until I was 18 weeks pregnant. I had scans every 3 weeks as I was really early so they needed to make sure everything was going along as planned. Once I hit 12 weeks I had scans every 4 weeks but I still continued to have labs every week and monitoring of the heartbeat every 2 weeks. This doctor knew how scared I was at losing this pregnancy too and he did everything he could to prevent that! I finally started to enjoy my pregnancy when I hit the 20th week mark and stopped taking the medication and we also found out we were having a boy! I did have a few bumps along the way. I had a few ER trips, one in the beginning for bleeding, they couldn’t explain it but her was healthy, 3 trips for vomiting so much and towards the ends, I went in 5 times 4 times for contractions and once for a Kidney infection which we think some of the other times that I went in for contraction might have been related to the kidney infection. Our LO was born on November 26th 2014 at 4:55pm weighing in at 8lbs 14.3oz and 20”long. He also had a fractured skull from hitting my tail bone but he is a happy and healthy little one and he is about to be One in less than 2 months!! We recently decided we wanted to go ahead and TTC #2 and we know how long it took to conceive # 1 and the struggles and the losses and the hurt and pain we went through so we have started ttc again well recently I received a positive test and then got my period. It’s still not known if I had a miscarriage. I am going to be following up with my doctor here again in a few days, but I feel I suffered another loss. As much as it hurts to think that.. from everything me and my doctor have discussed so far and the labs I had done, it does look like we have a 3rd angel baby looking over our little family. It’s hard going through a loss but it is more common than most people think. I want other women to know that it’s okay to grieve their losses! I am still grieving each loss. With time it gets easier but they are all in my heart forever and I always think about them from time to time, especially around the due dates. Those are the hardest days and then during the month of October I think about them as well. Thanks for letting me share with you my story of my 3 Angel babies! Lots of love Barbara Lane

We hope this story has helped show that there is life after loss and helps someone come to terms with their own experience.

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