The road to our first born child was long, unpredictable, cruel, but, ultimately, worth every crack in the pavement, wall to be scaled, and land slide that crushed us. After more than 3 years of infertility, a large portion of the adoption process, and 4 miscarriages, we finally turned a corner which took us on a 9 month path to welcome our son, Harrison.
It took a month after he was born to let go of the breath I had been holding for over 4 years – ‘He’s here, he’s real, he’s ours…and we get to keep him’, I exhaled.
The release of that breath took me from an infertile woman to a Mother. Really, and finally. The 21 months that have followed have illuminated every aspect of our lives, and that crazy little giant is the light responsible for it all.
We had always wanted children and wasted no time beginning to try for a sibling for our little rainbow. Over the next 17 months, my infertility remained as it had been before Harrison. We ovulated just 3 times. The first, wonderfully, resulting in a pregnancy, but, sadly, even with the medications that had allowed us to remain pregnant with Harrison, that little munchkin didn’t make it and joined it’s 4 siblings who we’d also never hold.
Our 3rd ovulation, however, brought us 2 pink lines and a subsequent bump. That’s right, another sticky rainbow that will turn Harrison in to a big brother.
Now, it would be wrong to describe this discovery as ‘exciting’. As many who have experienced pregnancy after loss will attest, excitement is one of the last things you feel, buried at the bottom of a long list that includes terror, fear, and worry.
22 weeks later, though, and the excitement has started to grow. The other feelings are still there, but their voices are being silenced to a whisper as excitement begins to bellow.
We’ve now had 6 scans and countless doctor, midwife, and consultant appointments and, so far, things are going well. Each appointment turns the volume up on the positive feelings and muffles the negative further.
We found out a few of weeks ago that this little bug is another BOY and are thrilled at the prospect of giving Harrison a little brother. I can’t wait to see a brotherly bond develop and grow between my 2 little guys, and for the opportunity to raise 2 gentlemen.
We announced our pregnancy just days after we found out we were pregnant. A bold move that’s considered risky even by fertile couples with no history of loss, but, to us, it was important to open the curtains on the first part of pregnancy. The part that holds the greatest fear, the biggest questions, the highest risk.
A pregnancy is no less important, real or cherished before the second trimester is welcomed, why should it be any less celebrated?
Yes, we faced a risk, a high risk based on our history and my fertility issues, but we were not alone is those scary early days. We were one of thousands of couples staring anxiously at a second pink line and crossing their fingers to the point of circulation loss.
Those first trimester losses are not made easier by going through them alone. They aren’t any less painful by not sharing them. In fact, quite often, they are the reverse. We don’t want to force anyone in to announcing a pregnancy before they are ready or happy to, we don’t want to make people feel they have to share the pain of their losses, but we want to show people that you can do those things. That you are not alone, that you are not broken, that you are not responsible. That your child did exist, they mattered, they changed you and they will always be your baby.
It’s a message we have shared since beginning Eventual Mother and one that we wanted to practice to show that it is ok to talk about pregnancy, miscarriage, and all the things that go hand in hand with such loss, if you, indeed, want to.
We’ve shared a number of videos of our pregnancy so far, including the big reveal, the reason we revealed so soon, the feelings before and around all those extra pregnancy appointments, and, of course, the big gender reveal. Our announcement is below, and others are on and being added to Facebook and YouTube.
We’ll continue to share this story, warts and all, so please feel free to hit the ‘follow’ button on the right.
Now, however, my name is being called by a rather cheeky little rascal that is soon to be a big brother.
Thanks for reading 🙂